Following a push by Republicans to have Ronald Reagan added to Mt. Rushmore, a series of new proposals have been put on the table. Congressman Eric Cantor (R) made a motion to Congress and the Pope to make Reagan a Saint. Others, like Michelle Bachman of Minnesota (R), have called for his knighthood. Unprompted, she also went on to call Barack Obama an anti-colonial, educated elitist while using air quotes and a sarcastic tone.
Texas schoolboards have already removed from their textbooks any mention of Reagan granting amnesty to 2.6 million illegal immigrants, his pro-abortion rights legislation, and the six separate occasions in which he raised taxes. When Democrats pointed out the differences between modern day conservatism and the true ideology and complexity of Ronald Reagan, Republicans responded by putting their fingers in their ears and repeating, "La la la la la. I can't hear you." Added to the textbooks to fill in the gaps were tales of Reagan's epic battles against Russia where he flew into Moscow, stole their nukes and threw them into the sun with his own two hands.
On Friday, in an effort to one-up Michelle Bachman, John Boehner (R) introduced legislation on the House Floor calling for Ronald Reagan to become our nation's official lord, savior and eternal president. The religion would be called the Reaglican Church and its bible would be the United States Constitution, minus a few amendments (such as freedom from religion, and the prohibiting of unreasonable search and seizure so as to enforce the newfound religion).
In unrelated news, during a ceremony in the Rose Garden, Jesus, God, Allah, Moses and Spiderman came down from Heaven and touched Obama on the head but no one seemed to notice.
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