LONDON -- Citizens of Belarus got a rude awakening this morning, as hundreds of British troops crossed the unassuming, largely agricultural country's border and immediately toppled their government. This turn of events came shortly after renowned Welsh actress Catherine Zeta-Jones was made honorary Commander of the Order of the British Empire. The honor was bestowed upon her by Prince Charles for her acting career and charity work. Upon the completion of the ceremony at Buckingham Palace, Zeta-Jones immediately departed for the Ministry of Defense where she issued the order to immediately invade the small Eastern European country. "Typically, we wouldn't enter into combat operations so swiftly," said General Sir David Richards, current professional head of the British Armed Forces, "but due to stifling protocols dating back to the 19th century, all CBEs are immediately granted commanding power over the nation's armed forces."
The troops were recalled and peace was restored after a swift act of parliament and a small settlement was paid to the Belarusian people. Zeta-Jones has since had her CBE title amended to prevent further military action. When asked why she felt compelled to invade, Zeta-Jones pointed to her devastating lunch that day, claiming her lobster bisque was too cold, her iced tea was too hot and her service was, and I quote, "You know how they can be so attentive that it's annoying?"
This is not the first time Great Britain has had to deal with the consequences of its honors. When Kevin Spacey received the honor in 2010, he commandeered several war ships and surrounded the Canary Islands in a stand-off that lasted almost a week. Similarly, Sir Ian McKellen's ceremony in 1979 resulted in his attacking the Notre Dame Cathedral on horseback in full battle armor.
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