In our new segment we explore celebrities and politicians who have forgotten that they live in the 21st century, a time in which every human being has an audio and video recording device in their pocket. This past week, former NPR fundraiser, Ron Schiller, was quoted as calling the tea party “racist.” While true, the Tea Party was angered that Schiller didn’t specify which race. The Tea Party clarified by stating that they hate black people, but also Muslims, and that they really love to double-hate black Muslims from the 50's.
Fellow fake news correspondent, Bill O’Reilly, was tricked into a candid conversation by a prank caller pretending to be Jesus. While Jesus was calling on behalf of the Democratic National Committee, Bill admitted to being a Twitter follower of Jesus, but said that the two men parted ways politically.
Our final piece in today’s segment involves secret Russian wiretaps of esteemed American scientists. The Americans can be overheard making racist remarks about the universe, blaming its entire existence on “dark” matter. African American matter could not be reached for comment.
In other news, Charlie Sheen discovered Twitter.
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